In Year 12 we all wore jerseys with our nicknames on the back of them
My jersey said I WANT ONE.
Because, I wanted one. Of everything. Now please, or even better – yesterday! It was a little joke between me and my school friends. Someone pulls out a new notebook, Cass says ‘Ooh I want one’, and so on.
I was reminded of my Year 12 jersey the other day with a little pang of nostalgia. This year is my 10 year high school reunion, how crazy is that? In doing a little reflection (but not a lot, that might make me too nostalgic) I realised that I still often think this way. I want one. Although now it’s wanting other things. Instead of a chip from my friend, I want the friendship that I can rely on which allows me to feel a deep and beautiful connection. Instead of wanting the latest pair of shoes, I want to focus and align myself with my dreams and goals. Instead of wanting the new notebook – oh who am I kidding, I always want a new notebook….!
But sometimes in the wanting, I forget to just be.
Sometimes in the pushing, I forget to just sit.
Sometimes in my drive to move forwards at the speed of light, I forget that old saying – that the journey is pretty cool too. (I’m paraphrasing there.)
It’s kind of like what happened when I decided to become un-busy.
Or how I felt when I realised that sensation = transformation.
Something I have noticed over the past few months of observing what comes up for my clients, is that each week in my practice seems to pick up a ‘theme’ of sorts. This week it’s all about sitting in the discomfort and knowing this too shall pass. It’s about being comfortable being uncomfortable, and feeling ok taking two steps backwards in order to propel yourself forwards once more.
But in this space of taking a step backwards, even if it rocks you for a little bit, you can be more than just ok with where you are now. You can feel joy, comfort, pleasure, acceptance, abundance, ease and freedom. You can feel safe, nurtured, supported and willing to sit in this space – even if it’s not where you’d rather be.
You can feel whatever you want to feel in situations which don’t seem to fit your ‘perfect’ bill – and I know (I know!) it’s not always easy. When life’s challenges pop up we think about the nearest escape exit, we just want out, now! Even if it’s not one of life’s toughest challenges, even if it’s just a fight with a partner, or an unexpected injury or a (tiny) crushing disappointment – ‘What do you mean you don’t have any plain croissants left? Argh!!’
It is perfectly beautiful to feel vulnerable and sad when we don’t get what we want. And you can punch me for saying this, but sometimes (often…) what we don’t get is even better than what we do get.
We will never know if that holiday we didn’t take would have ended in disaster. If that boy who broke our hearts would have kept us too busy to find the man of our dreams. If staying in that comfortable job would have meant we lost out on that trip of a lifetime.
All we know is where we are, so doesn’t it make sense to try be okay with being here?
In saying that, having a big old cry is one of the most cleansing, healing and ugh-shifting experience besides spending a week on a tropical island. It’s ok to not like where you are in your life right now, it’s ok to cry about it, to rally against the injustice, the unfairness, the annoying-ness (is that a word?).
It’s ok to be sad that you ‘want one’ but don’t have it yet, or that you feel stuck, or worse, you feel as if you’re going backwards. But I would love if you try to see the positive. Can you try? Can you try see that whatever feels as if it’s holding you back, may in fact be here for a reason? Whatever feels as if it’s holding you back, might actually be helping you move forwards in new and beautiful ways, but perhaps just not on your time.
Being ok with where you are now is all about realising that you are more than this situation you currently find yourself in. You don’t need to bog yourself down with disappointment at not moving at a pace which has been predetermined by you.
Trust that you’re here – in this space – for a reason, and that ‘moving forwards’ might just look a little different for a little while.
Where in your life can you let go of saying ‘I want one’, and instead embrace being ok, right now? How can you make small changes in order to enjoy this journey, instead of rushing, pushing and striving to get to the finish line?